i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
