VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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