I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
