I cannot find my penis.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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