I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
