Pappa wants mamma naked
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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