My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
