please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
