i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
