So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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