Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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