Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
