is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
