I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
