had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
