we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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