Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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