She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Still dying that you shit outside
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
