so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
whose parrot is this?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
