After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
