So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
