He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
