My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
