At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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