So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
