Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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