remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
