I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
