Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
