You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
