Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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