My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
