I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
