so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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