So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
