I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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