Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
