I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
