I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
