That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
