Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
As shirtless as possible
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
