listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
