I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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