1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
