I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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