I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
