Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
