you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
