he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
this hospital has no fireball
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
