i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
