Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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